Reality

Life is busy, Life is hard, Life is everything I'd thought it would be and the exact opposite all at the same time. I started this blog a LONG time ago and was like "yes! I love to write and express myself, this is perfect!" And then reality set it and TaDa! A couple YEARS later and here I am writing on a blog I had forgotten about.
I have 3 children. An almost 6 year old, an almost 3 year old, and a 4 1/2 month old. You want a glimpse at reality?
I'm exhausted. My kids go to bed at 9. I stay up until midnight spending alone time with my Honey(as alone as we can with a 4 month old!). I wake up at random times in the night because someone needs to nurse, or pee, or wet the bed, or had a bad dream, or is sick, or forgot their blankie downstairs and 3am is apparently the appropriate time to realize you CAN'T sleep without your blankie. And then we're off and running about 7/8am. So no, I don't get enough sleep. If you do, congrats, don't brag.
I'm lonely.
Obviously I'm never, and I mean NEVER alone. I can't even pee alone for crying out loud, and the slim chance I have to shower and think I've distracted everyone sufficiently long enough to shave my legs there is undoubtedly going to be a 2 year old climbing in the shower with me cuz I gave birth to a fish and if the water is an option, he wants in! Lock the door you say? That only resorts in tears and loud crying and banging that wake up an infant and require repremanding and explanations of why we don't bang on doors, and honestly, I rather just let the kid in the shower!
But when I do make time to get away, on date night, or girls night, or to the grocery store alone I want to jump for joy, and cry from guilt for feeling joy away from my precious munchkins, and for leaving someone else to deal with their shenanigans. And then if I'm around a lot of people I just get anxious and want to go home and be alone! 
I'm unhappy with my body.
Eat healthy you say, I try. When I remember I have to eat too, not just feed other people. I try, half the time I don't give a crap WHAT I eat just as long as I feel full and can get back to dealing with more important thing like poopy diapers.
Workout you say.
I try. I have no time and money for a gym or trainer.  I workout in my living room when I can but even then I'm working out with a 5 and 2 year old in my tiny living room and it's inevitable that someone gets kicked or stepped on or its a huge fight over dumbbells or workout bands. I prefer to workout during nap time, but there are often other important things that must get done during that time.  So I try, and fail more often than not.
Excuses, I know. If it was important to me I'd find time, I'd buy better food, I'd make it happen. But when push comes to shove, I'll admit, I put myself on the back burner, always. After all that's the sign of a truly good wife and mother right? Always putting everyone else first?
But anyway, to the point.
This too shall pass.
I know it seems exahusting. It feels impossible and no one else gets it. But I get it. I really really get it. I understand the demands
Chores
Workouts
Cooking
Homeschooling
Crafting
Date night
Potty training
Diapers
Cuts, scrapes, bruises
Cuddles
Life lessons
Quiet time
Loud time
Development
Feeling judged
Juding others
Books
The internet
Play groups
Adult time
Phone calls
Appointments
Illness
Serving the community or church
And wanting to truly enjoy it all
It's hard. It's really, really hard. But this too shall pass. Or at least that's what I keep telling myself. I pray for strength and manage to find it everyday. I pray for patience and haven't punched a wall since last week! I pray for understanding and find I understand my children and my husband more each day. I pray. A lot. Not necessarily on my knees, in the quiet like I'd prefer, but I pray. I am not alone.  My Heavenly Father is aware of me. He sees me, He hears me, and He trusts me.
So peeps, when all else fails and you are at your wits end, just give up. Just hit your knees and say "Father, I've done all I can do. I need you to pick me back up and push me along" and He will...because He loves you.
Reality sucks, but You are not the only one living in it!