Reality

Life is busy, Life is hard, Life is everything I'd thought it would be and the exact opposite all at the same time. I started this blog a LONG time ago and was like "yes! I love to write and express myself, this is perfect!" And then reality set it and TaDa! A couple YEARS later and here I am writing on a blog I had forgotten about.
I have 3 children. An almost 6 year old, an almost 3 year old, and a 4 1/2 month old. You want a glimpse at reality?
I'm exhausted. My kids go to bed at 9. I stay up until midnight spending alone time with my Honey(as alone as we can with a 4 month old!). I wake up at random times in the night because someone needs to nurse, or pee, or wet the bed, or had a bad dream, or is sick, or forgot their blankie downstairs and 3am is apparently the appropriate time to realize you CAN'T sleep without your blankie. And then we're off and running about 7/8am. So no, I don't get enough sleep. If you do, congrats, don't brag.
I'm lonely.
Obviously I'm never, and I mean NEVER alone. I can't even pee alone for crying out loud, and the slim chance I have to shower and think I've distracted everyone sufficiently long enough to shave my legs there is undoubtedly going to be a 2 year old climbing in the shower with me cuz I gave birth to a fish and if the water is an option, he wants in! Lock the door you say? That only resorts in tears and loud crying and banging that wake up an infant and require repremanding and explanations of why we don't bang on doors, and honestly, I rather just let the kid in the shower!
But when I do make time to get away, on date night, or girls night, or to the grocery store alone I want to jump for joy, and cry from guilt for feeling joy away from my precious munchkins, and for leaving someone else to deal with their shenanigans. And then if I'm around a lot of people I just get anxious and want to go home and be alone! 
I'm unhappy with my body.
Eat healthy you say, I try. When I remember I have to eat too, not just feed other people. I try, half the time I don't give a crap WHAT I eat just as long as I feel full and can get back to dealing with more important thing like poopy diapers.
Workout you say.
I try. I have no time and money for a gym or trainer.  I workout in my living room when I can but even then I'm working out with a 5 and 2 year old in my tiny living room and it's inevitable that someone gets kicked or stepped on or its a huge fight over dumbbells or workout bands. I prefer to workout during nap time, but there are often other important things that must get done during that time.  So I try, and fail more often than not.
Excuses, I know. If it was important to me I'd find time, I'd buy better food, I'd make it happen. But when push comes to shove, I'll admit, I put myself on the back burner, always. After all that's the sign of a truly good wife and mother right? Always putting everyone else first?
But anyway, to the point.
This too shall pass.
I know it seems exahusting. It feels impossible and no one else gets it. But I get it. I really really get it. I understand the demands
Chores
Workouts
Cooking
Homeschooling
Crafting
Date night
Potty training
Diapers
Cuts, scrapes, bruises
Cuddles
Life lessons
Quiet time
Loud time
Development
Feeling judged
Juding others
Books
The internet
Play groups
Adult time
Phone calls
Appointments
Illness
Serving the community or church
And wanting to truly enjoy it all
It's hard. It's really, really hard. But this too shall pass. Or at least that's what I keep telling myself. I pray for strength and manage to find it everyday. I pray for patience and haven't punched a wall since last week! I pray for understanding and find I understand my children and my husband more each day. I pray. A lot. Not necessarily on my knees, in the quiet like I'd prefer, but I pray. I am not alone.  My Heavenly Father is aware of me. He sees me, He hears me, and He trusts me.
So peeps, when all else fails and you are at your wits end, just give up. Just hit your knees and say "Father, I've done all I can do. I need you to pick me back up and push me along" and He will...because He loves you.
Reality sucks, but You are not the only one living in it!

School week 1

The thought of "I'm going to do school with my kids" can be a scary thought!!
 Top Questions I get
 1. Where do I start? Start, at the beginning! Start with the basics, and K.I.S.S. (keep it simple, silly. Nothing makes things more frustrating than over complicating things. You will quickly get over whelmed, your child will be more likely to get bored, frustrated, and want to stop if you can't even wrap your head around what you're doing! Colors, shapes, letter and number recognition are always the best places to start. Think of your child's education like a giant pyramid, you can't start working on level 2 if level 1 isn't complete.
2. Where do I get supplies? EVERYWHERE!! My favorite spots are, the dollar store, The dollar spot at Target, Hobby Lobby, Michael's, Walmart and the grocery stores when they have good sales! and GOOGLE!! Searching phrases like "preschool worksheets", "kindergarten worksheets", "preschool/kindergarten printable" will give you an ENDLESS supply of FREE things to use. I buy (cheap) workbooks for preschool and kindergarten and go from there.
3. Where do I get my curriculum/lesson plans? GOOGLE!!!! If you aren't aware, now is the time to learn, THE INTERNET IS YOUR GREATEST SOURCE, ALLY, AND TOOL!! Asess where you need to start, the "basics" your child should know to start kindergarten are very basic (in my opinion) But I am a "go big or go home" kind of teacher! You can go to any school district website and you SHOULD be able to find criteria for what your child should know by the start/end of every grade. This is a great way to determine where your child needs work.

 OK, Here we go! I am briefly going to give a run down of our weeks lesson plans and activities. (Please note that I have been working diligently with my son since he was about 2 so our lessons are closer to a kindergarten curriculum, than they are to a preschool one.) I am constantly changing what we are doing based on our schedules/moods/and how interested or uninterested my boys are in what we are doing! So NO JUDGING!

 General Week Rundown
Monday-Introduce new concepts, words, ideas, and info
Tuesday-Reinforce Mondays lessons with new worksheets, and activities
Wednesday-Reinforce Monday& Tuesday's lessons w/ new worksheets & Activites
Thursday-Project day! Review briefly what we did over the week and then do a craft project or project relating to our theme for the week
 Friday-Play Group

Daily Rundown: Each day our GOAL is at least an hour, 2 hours on a GREAT day! But I am working with a 4 year old and a 15 month old, so everyday varies!
Start right after breakfast is cleaned up(if we wait any longer it doesn't happen because our day gets away from us)
Date/day of the week/month
weather
heart word
Concept/theme of the week
writing activity
math activity
book of the day (I like choosing beginning reader books so my son can work on reading them to me)
 I always ask if there is anything he wants to do, like drawing, dot to dots, random worksheet pages he finds fun, or some other educational activity before saying "we're done for today, you can go play" 

Week 1- General Focuses *review (from our lack of being on top of things during summer)
 *Letter combination "_an" (to make words like, pan, ran, can, fan)
*Introduction to graphs, organizing findings
*Sight words, we call them "heart words" because they are words we need to know by heart :) (and because I got them off a great website find great printables here )
*Our Project this week was colored salts in a baby food jar to make "colored sand" layering each color on top of one another.
 Baby distraction: My baby (15 months old) had a hard time not being included in what my 4 year old was doing, so I tried my best to distract him with activities.
I tried letting him color, he ate the crayons, a pencil kept him happy and he didn't seem to want to eat it as much as the crayon!
I let him tear up construction paper
snack
I gave him blocks and a muffin pan and showed him to put one block in each hole
and finally today I gave him an old tissue box full of pom poms, and a mini muffin pan! It turned into a huge mess, but nothing that he wasn't able to help clean up! and it was the best tool I'd found all week!

A little bit of knowledge can go a long way!

The 1st and best way to show children that you care, is to teach them. By teaching them, wether it's how to ride a bike, change a tire, tie a shoe, build a house, bake a cake, draw a rainbow, or set up a tent, we feel love and bond best with those who have taken the time to show us something new.

Think about all the people who have been the most influential in your life, those you have the fondest memories of, those who you enjoy being around the most. They are most likely associated with helping your brain cells multiply! A grandmother who always let you help her cook or sew, a Grandpa who always told you stories, a Mom who taught you how to love unconditionally, a Dad who always took the time to teach you how to do something correctly (even if it was semi frustrating for both of you!) a teacher who took the time to help you understand how to solve a problem, or change the way you think, to build you up.

 Teaching is a gift, not everyone can do it, and not everyone can be taught the same way. Educating our children is essential, and I have tried my best to teach my children in a way that suits them best, in a way that is fun and easy to comprehend in their "style". I have always understood that children (and adults) have brains that work differently.

 I have once again started doing preschool with my 4 year old, who although he is academically ready for kindergarten he is NOT emotionally ready, so my curriculum has been an odd combination of preschool and kindergarten. I'm not sure how helpful my documenting will be for anyone but I want to share our experience anyway! I PLAN (I can't make any promises, because I am a human, and a woman) on posting our weekly school schedule/projects/experiences. My goal is to help inspire other moms or caregivers and show them how truly simple, easy, and inexpensive it is to do "school" with your children! Hope someone enjoys!

Our future

As a parent, I spend a lot of time, critiquing and criticizing other peoples parenting styles. I read articles from other types of societies, other countries, constantly trying to better myself, educate myself on how to be the "perfect parent". I'm the baby of 4 and I have recently become extremely aware of how differently all of my siblings and myself parent our children, and we all differ from how our parents raised us. But why? After talking to my sibling I realized that we are all trying to improve, my parents have obviously done a wonderful job raising us, for we all see the world, and what it is, and want to make our children better.
I spent some time with my family in Arizona recently and I left my oldest son with my sister while I ran an errand. When I got back she said something about my son being a lot to handle, more emotionally than anything. He's generally calm, polite, well behaved, but he is a tad bit OCD. And with that comes a lot of emotional "annoyances".
I was somewhat dumb founded by the idea that anyone would think my son was a lot to handle, usually people are so impressed with him, until I realized that my sister is the perfect parent, for HER children...and that I am a perfect parent, for MINE.
I believe in order to the universe. A chaos theory causes me anxiety, probably due to my own OCD tendencies. Not necessarily fate, or destiny, but...rightness, opportunity, faith in a higher power, a just God, a fair God.
I know that my children were giving to me with purpose. Because I am capable of being the perfect fit, for them. I have the ability to set them up for success, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
As a parent I don't take this duty lightly, and neither should any other parent. It is in OUR hands to truly change the future. Our world is broken, falling apart, sad, weak. But it has so much potential. Teach your little ones, teach them to be honest, kind, brave, sincere, gentle, faithful, trusting, trustworthy, self sufficient, clean, humble. Teach them in the ways of the Lord, not the ways of the world. teach them to value purity, chastity, honor. Teach them every action, good or bad has a consequence. Teach them that they are capable. Educate them, on the things your heart is prompted to teach them, not simply how to pass a test in school, but how to pass the tests of life. Teach them how to be successful.
My point is...TEACH THEM. It is NO ONE'S responsibility to teach and educate your children, but YOURS.
I am the perfect parent for my children, because I am TRYING. I am NOT perfect, and I am NOT a perfect parent in general. But because I am trying, because I am striving to do what I know must be done, I know i am the right person for this job, the only person for this job. If I was ever out of the picture there are few I would trust with this ever important job of raising my children, but those whom I would trust know who they are. I trust them because I know they would try...and that's all the Lord expects of us in this life, is to try our hardest, to do our best.

Something that swells

I live in Kansas, all of my family lives in Arizona. 1,200 miles away. Some may roll their eyes at my sadness, but I miss them, desperately. I'm in AZ at the moment and well... it always stresses me out to be away from my husband, to have my kids at other peoples houses, to be off schedule, to eat food we don't always eat, to only have 2 pairs of shoes to choose from, to use blankets and pillows that just don't feel "right". But the one thing that always makes it worth it, and I'm sorry in advance to my siblings, parents, and friends... But it's my nieces and nephews!! I have 13 nieces and nephews: Justin, Paige, Pokey(Preston), Bailey, Talon, Dally Girl(Dallas), Weston, Brody, Reisy, Aliya, Michaley, Brayden, & Chubby(Jaxon). My heart swells with pride, joy and love when I see their sweet faces in real life!! ( as opposed to my fake life in which I only hear their voices and see their faces on electronic devices and snap shots) There is just something about having people in your life that you can love, spoil, and tease that you don't have to discipline, and that you can send home or shoo away when they are naughty or annoying that just hits the right spot in my heart!!!
My advice to the world, find kids to love that aren't yours! I know I mean the world to my own children, I know their lives would be shattered if I wasn't in it. And there is something so rewarding about having that same affect on kids that aren't "mine" I'd happily kidnap all of them (not at the same time mind you, I need my sanity) but I just love them, my heart hurts to be away from them. I crave nothing more, when I'm away like I crave their hugs, their sincere "AUNTIE SARAH!" "Aunt Sarah!" "Auntie!" "Auntie Ra" "RaRa" calls when I walk through the door. It's a love I've had since I was 7, but I took it for granted.
I've learned a lot about myself while living away from my family. But what I've learned most, is that I matter.
I matter to A LOT of people.
I make a difference.
I fill lives with love.
I bring smiles more than I bring tears.
I've never regretted moving away, it's been the greatest adventure, the biggest lesson, and the most rewarding thing I could have done for my marriage. It has strengthened every relationship I have within my family and I pray each day that others can experience the joy that I have.
If your heart tells you to do something, do it. Change is scary, change is hard, change is filled with anxiety and fear, but sometimes, change is needed.
If I had been a coward, and ignored that still small voice encouraging me to do what my heart thought I should do I would have never become the woman that I am, the woman I am slowly becoming, the woman I've always wanted to be.
Be brave.
Love.
Matter.
Change!

Family Ties

On a road trip to AZ, we made a stop in New Mexico to see some cousins. As we sat at lunch we were talking about how my mom's side of the family sort of, fell apart, after my grandparents had both passed away. Money and worldly possessions had become a source of contention and eventually disbanded our once extremely tight knit klan. We talked about how my mom's parents had been the "buffer" of our family and everyone just got along. I began to think about what life would be like when my parents passed away, would all us siblings and our children still stay close? Or would we let the desire to claim my parents (mostly sentimental, not profitable) possessions drive us apart? I decided if it came down to fighting over stuff, they can have it, I'll happily take pictures of the things I cherish, write notes on what I remember and scrapbook the whole house if I have to.
What a stupid thing to fight over, STUFF. Greed, selfishness, pride... Those are the only characteristics that would cause one to push a person out of their hearts and replace it with something that wasn't living. And quite frankly I don't want to posses any of those traits.
Why have we as a world become so obsessed with STUFF. I may live a modest life, because I have little money to waist on crap. And I feel confident as we earn more money we will acquire nicer cars, a nicer house, nicer clothes, nicer....crap. But why? Obviously a few things are just to live a sanitary, easy to manage, healthy lifestyle. But after that, it's just to make us feel good, is it not?
I would love to do an experiment where you could turn your personality into items. The kinder, happier, more honest, more Christ like traits would be turned into gold, fine linens, beautiful homes etc. and the greedy, dishonest, mean, evil traits would turn into moldy fabrics, worn out broken things, chipped paint and flat tires.
I bet our views of who we admired would change drastically if we could tell what type of a person someone was based on their possessions. Makes you wonder how quickly our world would change, when those worth admiration were the rich ones, and those in need of a slap in the face, and a severe change of heart were living in poverty. An odd thing to think about I'll admit, but when our lives in this realm end, and we stand before our maker that's what it will be like, our countenance will either glow with glory of our righteous endeavors, or we will look pail, dingy, filled with grief and the grim of the world we let devour our souls.

Old Fashion Love

Heading to the store for snacks, my Honey proceeded to walk to my car door and open it for me, I climbed in, with a grin on my face, acknowledging the sweet gesture that usually only occurs when the kids aren't around (simply becasue getting in the car WITH our boys is a life event all on it's own!). Our neighbor was standing outside and said to my Honey, "You still open her doors for her? That's so sweet!" He grinned and replied "Sometimes!"
Why did she sound surprised? Why was it such a novel idea that my Honey would STILL open my car door? Why has the old school love language, of simply being polite and kind because you love one another, gone to the way side? My Daddy has ALWAYS opened my mom's doors for her, and us girls, and any women or girl he is around. It's just nice. When I was dating I used to ALWAYS pay attention to wether or not a guy opened my car door for me. Time and time again I was disappointed, lots of times my hopes were rewarded though with an opened door, usually by a well mannered Mormon boy who knew it was polite.
It's such a simple gesture, opening a door, waiting for a loved one to join us at the dinner table before devouring our meals, a simple kiss and/or sincere goodbye, "I LOVE YOU" every time we leave one another. My Honey often rolls his eyes at me when I insist on such simple gestures, but in my mind, if my sons see their father opening their mothers door, they too, will return the favor to the girls they date and eventually the woman they marry.
And if they see their mother, being a woman who appreciates, acknowledges, and sometimes even insists on such simple gestures, then perhaps when they are searching for a girl they will spend their life, growing old with, they will seek a girl who respects herself enough to know she deserves to have her door opened. Deserves a man willing to treat her like she is more important than the world makes her feel.
So guys, be old school...open car doors. And girls, expect your door to be opened, and know that if you are settling for a man that doesn't open your car door, perhaps you are doing just that, settling.
Please don't divorce your husbands if he doesn't open your car door, and if it's not important to you then by all means laugh at me. But i feel confident that every relationship could use an "I appreciate when you ______." conversation. Even if it has nothing to do with opened doors, or warm meals.
We should sacrifice for one another, because we should love one another.